This post was sponsored by the 24-hour 'flu
Last night on "Sibling Rivalry - Poop Edition":
Contestant #2 has claimed the coveted top spot in the Most Traumatic Excrement Clean-up event, ousting Contestant #1's longstanding Poo River of '07 with his stunning Diuretic Cascade. He beat his sister's top scores in the categories of quantity, consistency, and number of parents present for cleanup.
The judges were not overly impressed with the area his mess covered, given the little use he made of his mobility advantage over his sister, who had only been an infant at the time she set the bar. It appears the contestant had underestimated the trauma pulling this stunt would have on his post-pooping performance - he only took a few short steps once the trail began to leak from the bottom of his pants and proceeded to stand still while howling for assistance. This shortcoming, however, showed little in the score. Given that the judge present was also the cleanup crew, her high scoring in this area may have been a bit biased.
The judges were also undecided when comparing difficulty of cleaning the soiled surfaces. Seeing as they were comparing upholstery and carpet to laminate and lino, there should have been no contest, but the faux-grout in the kitchen linoleum tile proved surprisingly difficult to scour. Regardless, the clincher was the judges' inability to recall who had done clean-up on the '07 occasion, let-alone any details of how long the process took.
In the final moments of the show, once clean-up and baths had been completed, the judge present moved that this particular contest be closed. Tune in next time to see how our contestants compare in the judges' favourite event, Potty-training Milestones.
Contestant #2 has claimed the coveted top spot in the Most Traumatic Excrement Clean-up event, ousting Contestant #1's longstanding Poo River of '07 with his stunning Diuretic Cascade. He beat his sister's top scores in the categories of quantity, consistency, and number of parents present for cleanup.
The judges were not overly impressed with the area his mess covered, given the little use he made of his mobility advantage over his sister, who had only been an infant at the time she set the bar. It appears the contestant had underestimated the trauma pulling this stunt would have on his post-pooping performance - he only took a few short steps once the trail began to leak from the bottom of his pants and proceeded to stand still while howling for assistance. This shortcoming, however, showed little in the score. Given that the judge present was also the cleanup crew, her high scoring in this area may have been a bit biased.
The judges were also undecided when comparing difficulty of cleaning the soiled surfaces. Seeing as they were comparing upholstery and carpet to laminate and lino, there should have been no contest, but the faux-grout in the kitchen linoleum tile proved surprisingly difficult to scour. Regardless, the clincher was the judges' inability to recall who had done clean-up on the '07 occasion, let-alone any details of how long the process took.
In the final moments of the show, once clean-up and baths had been completed, the judge present moved that this particular contest be closed. Tune in next time to see how our contestants compare in the judges' favourite event, Potty-training Milestones.
I love your writing style. It gives me smiles every time. Sorry for your messy day though. :(
ReplyDeleteI somehow manage to not wake my toddler who's sleeping on me as I read and shake with laughter over this :)
ReplyDeleteIt was more like a very messy 15 minutes. Thankfully, our house guests were out and Big Sister was very cooperative about walking around the mess, so there was no worries about it getting spread around while I threw them in the bath. There had been a paint-flinging incident at preschool this morning, so a bath was on the roster anyways. Composing this post in my head kept me from worrying they were drowning each other in the tub - or inhaling too deeply ;)
ReplyDelete